Friday, August 17, 2012

This is what I just finished reading. 
It was a quick, easy read. Which I really like because I don't have the attention span for longer books. 
I think you should read it, Not necessarily to follow exactly what she did, But to get ideas that can benefit your family.

Here's what I liked and a few Ideas that have been inspired by the book and some thoughts and realizations that occurred to me.
{Quotes from the book are in blue}
 {My thoughts are in purple}
 Instead of communicating "I love you, so let me make life easy for you,"  I decided that my message needed to be something more along these lines "I love you. I believe in you. I know what you're capable of. I'm going to make you work.

Kids need to know how to work. Plain and simple. And this generation, {mine} is lazy. And the next generation is bound to be even worse if something drastic doesn't change. I will not be part of that problem. My children will NOT be part of that problem.There are a few who learned to work, and who are hard workers. But the mentality that the world teaches is that of lazieness and taking the easiest road and only doing a job half way. 
Pardon my french, but I grew up knowing that if you half-assed {ass isn't a bad word, it's in the bible
- The gospel according to my grandpa} a job you were in deep doo doo trouble. And you were going to make up for your lack of effort by doing twice the work you were assigned in the first place.
Sadly the majority of this generation is lazy and expects a free ride. They think that they are owed something in life. That they are entitled to everything. 
They see privileges as rights. 
Their ideas of "necessities" are ridiculous. 
 I was part of that problem. The outrageous ideas of needs vs. wants. And I expected that my parents would provide whatever I thought I "needed"

 In truth, however, my real responsibility as their mother is to teach, not to tackle tasks for them.
I am a mama bear. And I will protect my kids with my life. And sometimes it means that I make life TOO easy for them. Now don't get me wrong, I know that my kids are still very young, But there are things that I need to make them do to help them get used to getting out of their comfort zone. If I do things for them now because they think they are hard or they are embarrassed or scared to do, That is going to set the precedence for the rest of their lives. If they grow up with mom bailing them out, then when it is time for them to branch out and spread their wings and I try to start teaching them to do things on their own that they think are hard or out of their comfort zone, it's going to be hard to break the habit of mom bailing them out.
I can see myself flirting with the very dangerous line of "helping Vs. Hurting"
It will be easier for me to do it for them, Or it will be hard to watch them struggle to learn new skills, And it will be hard to know when to step in and when to let them swallow a little water and keep on swimming. 

My friend Laruen shared her strategy, which we'll be implementing. A mother of three, she decided to incentivize her teenage girls by putting a jar filled with thirty one dollar bills in their rooms at the start of a month. each day she checks to see it the beds are made and the stuff is put away. If rooms don't pass inspection, she takes a dollar out of the jar. At the end of the month, the girls get to keep whatever cashola is left in the jar.

We will be implementing this one. Maybe not with dollars, maybe quarters or candy until they are bigger. But it will serve as their allowance and a few other chores will need to also be carried out in order to ear the goods.

When I step in, fix problems, and do those little household chores (or homework!), I send the message that they can't do it themselves. and if they can't do the small  things, how will they ever attempt the big things?

I had never thought of it that way but it's so true. Prime example, I always put Blakes shoes on for him, just because it's faster. Now he expects me to do it, and tells me he "can't" I mean, c'mon kid, Your two year old sister can put on her own shoes. Surely you can do it, You just think you don't have to because I have enabled you for so long. 

"Parents are constanly telling their children how special and talented they are. This gives the, an inflated view of their specialness compared to other human beings. Instead of feeling good about themselves, they feel better than everyone else. 
This one made me sick to my stomach. How do you make your kids confident and not cocky? 
We have very confident children. Mike and I are both confident people. I don't think cocky, but the confidence that comes from knowing ones self worth and having a testimony of who we are and in whose image we are created... How do you explain that to a 5 year old? We have a LOT of work ahead of us with this one. I tell at least one kid everyday not to compare themselves to others. 

She mentions it briefly in the book, But these are my thoughts, This whole "everyone is a winner and everyone gets a trophy is CRAP." Go ahead. Try to argue it with me,  I dare you.  If everyone is a winner, Where is the drive to do better? Where is the room for improvement? Where is the motivation to work harder. You can't have the sweet without the bitter. Kids need to know that there are winners and losers in life. If you lose, You work harder and smarter. You learn from the lesson and You try again. You don't ever give up. EVER. 

A child will jump only as high as the bar is set. But he will jump. He needs the bar to be set until the day he can do that for himself too. 

Little known fact... I pole vaulted in high school. I remember the first time coach Bolken set the bar at 7 feet, {It seems so small, But it was insurmountable to me at the time} I tried over and over and over, I knocked the bar down every try every day for a week. Until finally I did it, And you know what happened after that... The coach moved it up an inch, And I didn't clear it the first time, But I did the second time. I never would have tried it, I needed someone there to tell me I could. I needed someone to literally and figuratively set the bar high.
My children will know what is expected of them. And the bar will be high.

Any how, It's a great book and you should give it a shot. It has some great ideas that I'm sure more will stem from.

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