Monday, March 18, 2013

I don't really have a topic for tonight. Just some things that I've been mulling over in my head. Today a lady ran a red light and almost hit us as we were crossing an intersection. She had to have been going about 60 miles an hour down 210 as I was on st johns pkwy crossing 210 she was literally 10 feet from my back bumper. Literally one second was the difference in a horrendous accident. You can't tell me that was a coincidence. I know that Gods hand was in on that one and that his angels were round about to protect us. It shook me up a bit. Immediately I said a few prayers thanking heavenly father for his protection. I was thinking to myself, if we had been hit, it would have been on Brent's side. Don't think that I didn't get him out of his seat and held him and hugged him. Later, After he smeared orange BBQ chip hands on my white couch and brand new PB pillows, I scooped him up and hugged him tighter. I was so grateful those hand prints were there.
I feel like I have been fighting the depression and anxiety battle within myself, and I've been losing. I don't want to be that way. But at the same time anytime I try to go on medicine for it, it makes it worse. I feel like its eating away the most magical and happy season of my life. We had a lesson in sunday school yesterday about joy and being happy. And the comment was made that life is our garden, and we can choose to focus on the weeds that are there to torment us, and that we spend time weeding out, or we can still do the weeding and see how beautiful the flowers are. And overall how beautiful that entire garden is. I feel like lately I haven't been seeing the flowers. And perhaps I needed that little wake up call today to realize that I need to focus my thoughts on the flowers in my life instead of the weeds.
I wasn't feeling as spiritually strong as I know that I have in the past. As I was reading back on past posts, I was reminded that I am spiritually strong, and Satan knows that, and be knows that I am on a path to be better and be stronger. He knows that if he can get me to be down in the dumps, frustrated and selfish, wallowing in my weeds, he can slow me down. Not anymore you poop-head. I'm over you and your games. Im putting on my big girl spiritual panties and getting back to business. That choice is up to me. I am done giving you that power over me.