I LOVE fall!

I have a ton to post about... We've been super busy, more on that later. For now, I'm enjoying some almost alone time {I still have Brent} and filling my head with things I don't have time or money for!
Fall time is my favorite! I know, I say that about everything. but really, Halloween is my favorite holiday. Yep, better than Christmas.

I mean seriously Williams Sonoma? $99 for this. I bet I could make that for under $10 bucks.
But it sure is pretty!

AAAAHHHHH!!! Mini pancake molds... I may have to invest in these. They could also double as cookie cutters, So that justifies the cost a little bit right?

I am so not this talented...anyone want to give them a shot? And can you tell I have a thing for sugar cookies? I mean I post something about them at least once a week.

Halloween and Christmas are the ONLY holidays I decorate my house for.

And I figure if I start now, I can have some cute Halloween crafts done for the girls to wear.

A picture is worth 1,000 words.

I think this picture pretty well tells the story of our marriage. Most of the time I find myself laughing at life, Or the chaos that is our life, And Mike seems to just keep cracking jokes.

I adore the way he looks at me. 

He doesn't judge me, and supports me in every way. And through every hectic and crazy moment, He always remembers to make life happy. When life is this crazy, You can't take yourself or anything too seriously. Life is to be enjoyed... But this is really what was happening... 

 I just laughed, because NONE of the kids were really interested in having this picture taken. It's the story of our life. Most days are filled with organized chaos, and sometimes, I just don't feel in control as I'd like to. So, I'm slowly learning to go with the flow, enjoy the scenery, and smell the roses.

Finding joy in our journey... Together. 

Guilt Free CHOWDER!!!

Yep, you read right... guilt free! And It's all food storage. We, My mom and I, {But mostly my mom, I just tasted and told her to add more this or less that...LoL} Originally made this recipe to be a dinner in a jar. {Just put the spices in a Ziplock bag at the top of the jar.}

4 cups water 
2 cups THRIVE FD corn 
1/4 cup THRIVE dehydrated carrots
1 cup THRIVE FD potato dices

1 tea onion powder  
1 1/2 tea. salt
3/4 tea. pepper
1/4 tea. ground thyme
1/4 tea. paprika
4 bouillon cubes


2 cans non fat evaporated milk
1/4 cup corn meal
1 Tablespoon flour


In separate container mix milk, corn meal, and flour. set aside.
Boil everything else until re-hydrated. About 15-20 min. {the carrots take the longest to re constitute, you can add those first, and add the corn and potatoes 10 min later if you want, but I don't have time to baby-sit dinner, so I dump it all in at once}
Then add the milk mixture and boil for one minute longer. DONE! You can also add bacon, But then it's not guilt free.
And for the record, It's the best dang corn chowder I've ever had.

A little break.

 You know how they say baby number 3 is usually the straw that breaks the camels back? They lied, 3 is easy, piece of cake, walk in the park... 4 is not. Or at least not when they are all 4 years old and under.

We've been slowly trying to adjust to life with a newborn. So, I'm taking a little break from my blog for the next week or so until we can get adjusted and into a routine again. Let me first say, he's super adorable. However, having a new born is not my favorite thing. You don't forget the pain of child birth, however, you do forget how miserable these first few weeks are. These last few nights have cemented in my brain that we are DONE having babies. No more. The Hicks will stay a family of 6. I happen to be one of the lucky ones who suffers pretty severely from postpartum depression. It's gotten worse with every kid. Normally I can control my depression with exercise, however considering I can't do that for at least another week or 2, {No, I never wait 6 weeks.} I'm dealing with it the best I can and trying to enjoy and laugh and cuddle with the 3 older ones, While Brent sleeps.
I may also be a bit vain, {Think what you will} But I can't stand not being in shape. I feel disgusting, and I'm sure that adds to the depression. I can't get this weight off fast enough. And If one more person tells me "Not to worry about it" I may go crazy. And if one more person says "You are so lucky you get skinny so fast after having babies" I may punch them. I'm not lucky, I eat egg whites, chicken breasts, and vegetables. There's no luck involved.  {There, I said it, And I feel good about it. Like I've said before, you don't like it, Don't read it.}
Blake started school this week too, So trying to adjust to that scheduel in addition has been challenging. And my sister goes home Sunday. Not to mention the sleep deprivation. So, I get to jump into all of this all at once. I'm a bit overwhelmed to say the least. I'm not worried once I can get back into a routine, but until then I just have to disappear for a while. So, I'll be back in a few weeks. 
No, not all days are bad, actually most days are really good. There's just a few moments in the day that make me question my sanity. I really do love love love my life, my babies and sweet buby, But the hormones are crazy!

Service

Over the course of the last week we have been so blessed to have been ministered to by angels on this earth. We have been blessed by the medical care that we have received, and by the generosity of those around us. From meals, babysitting, rides to the NICU, entertainment for our children, and been the attention of many prayers. My heart is so full of gratitude for those who have offered to help and have had our family in their prayers. We have felt the Lords hand and have felt the prayers and thoughts of many.

I have often thought that it is peculiar that our church is so focused on service, But when we call another member, whom we know could benefit from our assistance, we are turned away. Myself being guilty of robbing another from receiving the blessings they could have had from offering service on my behalf. As Mike pointed out, Even our savior Jesus Christ accepted help. In Luke 22:43 an angel was sent to strengthen him while he was suffering in the garden. He didn't send the angel away. Don't you think he could have? He willingly accepted the strength that the angel rendered. If the savior received and accepted help, how could we ever think that we could do it on our own? Even if it's a simple meal, or a fun activity packet to entertain our children, accepting help cleaning, letting someone babysit for a few hours. Or a plate of sugar cookies. Nothing but good comes from service on both ends. I am a very independent person, And I like to do things on my own, and do them my way. But I have learned that I can't do it all on my own. None of us can. Sometimes, {especially right now}, I can't make dinner, and sometimes I need someone to throw in a load of laundry, or watch my kids for a few hours. That's okay.

In President Kimball’s words: “The Lord answers our prayers, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.”

The NICU.

Oh boy, I'm going to attempt to write this and get through it. I've avoided talking about it because It's still so fresh in my mind, Now that he's home I think I'm okay to talk about it. No offense to anyone, We are so thankful for your concern, But It's really hard for me to talk about the NICU {neonatal intensive care unit} and tell everyone the story and answer questions. So, I'm putting it out there for those who want to know, and so that I don't have to answer questions and start to bawl my eyes out when I talk to you. You could never know the anguish that fills your heart when you don't get to meet your baby and hold them close, in some cases can only touch their tiny little finger for a brief moment before they are wisked away by strangers, whom you have no choice but to trust with your most precious possession. To not be the first one who they see when they open their eyes for the first time. To have to go home to an empty cradle. To sit in a rocking chair with empty arms. We are very grateful that our cradle and chair were soon filled with our tiny little man. We know others who haven't been able to see those things come to be and my heart aches for them. We are so grateful to the Lord for outcome of having 2 babies come home safely to be in our arms from the NICU.

He was born at 36 weeks 5 days. Technically a term baby. But his little lungs just weren't quite ready. I remember that he came out, and they put him on my stomach for about 5 seconds literally, and then took him away, he was grunting instead of crying. We knew something was wrong. I think I've seen Mike cry 3 times over the course of our marriage. When I looked at him and saw his face, I knew that he was scared, and so was I, But even before Brent was born, I felt like something wasn't going to be 100% okay. I didn't know to what extent, but I feel like the Lord had prepared me sufficiently, and I knew that everything would be okay in the end. I was given peace and comfort through the entire ordeal. While he was on the warming bed, Mike gave him a blessing, I'm not sure what the blessing said, but I'm glad that he gave him one then because another opportunity to do so didn't present itself. He wasn't able to lay his hands on his head, but given the circumstances, I know that the blessing was just as effective as if he were able to. They worked and worked on Brent, trying to get him to cry, and then after about a minute of that, they took him to the nursery and closed the blinds. When they didn't weigh him or measure him, I knew something was seriously wrong. 15-20 minutes later they came out and told us that he had to be intubated, and that he was given a dose of surfactant, to help his lungs, and that he would need to be transported to the NICU downtown. They brought him into our room for 2 minutes in the transport unit, and this was my first image I can remember of my sweet little guy. Tubes, Wires, and monitors.

He was taken by ambulance downtown to Wolfsons childrens hospital.

 

This wasn't unfamiliar territory. Blake was born at 33 weeks and spent 11 days in the NICU there. While I won't say that the NICU is ever an "easy" experience,  I think this time around was "easier." We knew what to expect and knew that Brent's stay most likely wouldn't be as long as Blake's and that he wouldn't require as much assistance. 

{I'm pretty sure this first picture is Brent... He and Blake look identical, But I'm positive the rest are Brent. LoL}

He spent 6 days there and progressed as well as could be expected. From being intubated, to just a nasal cannula, to just an IV, to feeding on his own, and eventually just battling some jaundice. We love the staff there. The neonatologist was the same cute little lady that had taken care of Blake, The Physicians extenders were friends from the gym, {thank you Kara and Maureen} and our nurses were wonderful sweet women who answered every question we had, and took phenomenal care of our little man. When we were away from him we knew he was so loved and so well taken care of.

The NICU is a very sacred place for me. I've offered some of the most sincere and earnest prayers of my life within those walls. I've felt the presence of the Lord, and seen many many miracles come to pass. 

Normally I wouldn't share something so sacred and personal, But I want everyone to know how thankful I am to our loving father in heaven, As I was laying in my bed in the hospital, unable to sleep, and unaware of the outcome of everything, I wrote down some of my feelings to my father in heaven, and I want to share with you the things that my heart feels, in hopes that you can see that through the darkest hours of our lives, the Lord will bless us and use those situations to strengthen our understanding and build our testimonies. 

Thank you for entrusting these 4 noble spirits to our care on this earth. We are so thankful to have them. So thankful to have the opportunity to experience the joy that they bring to our hearts. Please bless us in our efforts of rearing them in righteousness, that we would be in tuned to the spirit, that we might best know how to serve them. We are so thankful for the blessings of the temple that will enable us to be a family throughout the eternities. Please bless us that we would have a continued desire to live worthily to our covenants that we might have that blessing sealed upon our heads. We thank thee for the gift and power of the priesthood on this earth. How grateful I am for the many blessings that I have received that have brought peace, comfort, and assurance to my heart. And healing to my body. How very thankful I am to have witnessed miracles performed through the priesthood. The blind to see, the lame to walk, the deaf to hear, and to have witnessed so many miracles in 2 tiny little boys. Thank you for blessing  me with the opportunity through their miraculous births and first moments of their precious lives to experience the atonement of our savior Jesus Christ. To come to know him better. To feel the comfort of knowing he has felt the anguish of my soul, and knows how to comfort me. To know that he has felt the physical pain that we experience, to know that a loving father in heaven is listening to my prayers, and answering them through angels on this earth. To know that the Lord is so mindful of us. Individually. And is closer to us than we know. I thank thee for the sacred responsibility to be a mother in these the latter days. Thank you for allowing me opportunities to see what is important in this life... I wouldn't have chosen to learn the hard way if I didn't have to, but I now have an undeniable knowledge that devoting my life to raising these children unto thee and establishing a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God, is my only priority, and what thou has sent me to this earth to do.

They have worked hard to be here, and have a great work to do on this earth, and many people to minister to and share the light of Christ with. Please bless me with the ability, to teach them the things that thou would have them to know. Please bless Mike with comfort and peace. I am so thankful to have him. Thank you for giving me such a strong righteous man who lives true to the gospel, true to his covenants, and true to his priesthood responsibilities. Please bless him in his endeavors to provide the temporal necessities of this mortal life for our little family. We are so thankful for the blessings we receive for his diligent service in the temple, and in his callings. I am so thankful for a leader of unshakable faith, knowledge, and testimony of Jesus Christ to be the patriarch of our home. We are so blessed to be a family on this earth and so blessed to be members to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. We are grateful for the keys of the priesthood. And so grateful to have the opportunities to see miracles wrought to be. We are grateful for our trials and the personal relationship it allows us to have with our savior and his atonement. Thank you for allowing me through these experiences, to gain a stronger knowledge and understanding and greater testimony of something I already knew so strongly in my heart... I now know that there is always a way to better understand the atonement and have it fill our souls, if we seek to do so. And as we seek for that knowledge, we will be blessed to find it.

A Mothers Love

So let's start from the beginning. Friday morning I went into the hospital with some cramping and contractions and just feeling like something was different. Not expecting to have a baby, but just to be better safe than sorry. They checked me, and I was 3cm. I walked for an hour, 4cm, then about another hour or 2, 5cm. I was in labor. They admitted me, broke my water, and I got an epidural. Well, minutes later, I told Mike and my mom that it was the best epidural I'd ever had. Well, about 15 minutes later I was completely numb from my neck down. And falling asleep, or passing out, I'm not sure which. The anesthesiologist gave me a spinal (you know, the thing you get when you have a c-section) on accident by putting it in a little too far. The only way to fix it was to take it out, let it wear off completely and then get another one. Well, 2 hours later the epidural had worn off and I was feeling everything. Well, by the time the anesthesiologist came in to put it back in, I was curled up in the bed, in pain, shaking, with tears streaming down my face, and ready to push. Well, bless the anesthesiologist, she tried to give me 2 bolus doses to ease the pain, thinking that I'd be pushing for an hour or so, Well, my babies come very very fast, So 2 pushes later, Baby Brent was born. All Natural... I felt EVERYTHING. And 15 minutes after his birth I was totally numb again. Let me say, I am VERY PRO EPIDURAL. But I will say I'm almost grateful that I got to do it without the relief of the epidural. I have a much greater understanding and gratitude for the atonement of our savior Jesus Christ. I remember in those few minutes of him being born, begging our father in heaven to ease my burden, To grant me the strength, through the power and grace of our saviors infinite atonement, and provide a way that I would be able to accomplish the thing which he had asked of me. I felt his presence, and knew that he had heard my plea. The pain never went away, but peace came. I think that's how the Lord works in our lives. He doesn't always calm the storm, but sometimes calms his child instead. It allows us to grow closer to our Savior and gain a greater testimony that we are God's children, That he knows us. That he hears our prayers, and knows our hearts, and knows our desires. And that even in our darkest hours, he will never abandon us, or leave us alone, but carry us through our burdens.
I love Doctrine and Covenants 98:1-3.

 "1 Verily I say unto you my friends, ^afear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give ^bthanks; {Jack Christianson adds in a talk titled "Honoring a Mothers Love", even in your discomfort, sadness and sorrow}

 2 ^aWaiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

 3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been ^aafflicted shall work together for your ^bgood, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord."

It was not my best delivery, Actually to be perfectly honest, It was miserable, and I could never describe the pain associated with child birth. Nobody could. But only through the gift of our savior could only good things come out of such a painful and agonizing experience. They say that you forget the pain of child birth, or everyone would only have one kid. I don't think that's the case. I can remember very vividly the pain and anguish that I experienced but I think that I, along with every other mother, would choose to do again in a second, or even give my life for these sweet children. 

Also in that talk, "Honoring a Mothers Love" {you need this talk} ...

"Now, sisters, why are you a symbol of Christ? As Jesus shed His blood, to give spiritual life and eternal life, what then is the role of those who have the opportunity to be mothers? They shed their very life’s blood to give physical, mortal life. And so the birth process—how we all enter this world—is literally a symbol of being born again, a symbol of the Son of God shedding His blood. In fact, Elder Matthew Cowley, a former member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said this,

You sisters belong to the great sorority of saviorhood. You may not hold the priesthood. Men are different, men have to have something given to them to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. You are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls. You are the co-creators with God of his children.
Therefore, it is expected of you by a right divine that you be the saviors and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children here upon the earth (Matthew Cowley Speaks, 1976, 109).

Can you fathom the marvelous gift that has been bestowed upon us, and the great privilege it is to bear children? As women we are literally the saviors of human souls. Doing the most selfless act that could ever be performed aside from the giving of the saviors own life on our behalf.  Being a co creator with God. Performing a service that no one could ever do for themselves. What A marvelous opportunity to receive blessings is ours. I am so thankful to the Lord for blessing me with these sweet babies. And so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother.