Friday, February 10, 2012


 I've been absent for a while because well, I've been going through a huge range of emotions and thoughts, And I am having such a hard time focusing on anything and my thoughts are running at a million miles an hour. So, As you know, We are in the process of deciding whether or not we should pack up and move to the other side of town and build our dream house. I'm 99% positive that we have picked the house, the location and the builder. And I'm positive that I have the entire house planned out, down to the color of the throw pillows. {No, I'm not joking, Just ask, I'll show you "The Binder"}
I don't know, I'm going through a huge range of emotions. I don't know if I'm ready to leave this side of town, If I'm ready to make the commitment to pay a mortgage again, if I'm ready to be a homeowner and all the responsibilities that come with that, I don't know if I'm ready to write that big fat check to pottery barn, I don't know if I'm ready to clean a house of that size. Do we start now, Do we wait a year, do we wait 2 years? What are the pros and cons? Could waiting a year and saving more money hurt anything?

I'm really having a difficult time discerning whether or not it's what God's will is for us, And if that's where He needs us to be to best serve Him and those around us, Or if I have just convinced myself that that is the case because I am so in love with the idea of the perfect house, and perfect neighborhood.
How do you know that you haven't just convinced yourself that it's Gods will, Or if you have His stamp of approval, Or if he really is just leaving the decision up to you because he trusts you to make that decision...

I mean Doctrine and Covenants 58:26 says

 "26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is acompelled in all things, the same is a bslothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward."

 The Lord gave us agency for a reason right? 
Sigh, I know this post has really gone nowhere, But I just needed to vent a little bit and hope that someone has felt this way before and has some advice to offer?

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