The NICU.

Oh boy, I'm going to attempt to write this and get through it. I've avoided talking about it because It's still so fresh in my mind, Now that he's home I think I'm okay to talk about it. No offense to anyone, We are so thankful for your concern, But It's really hard for me to talk about the NICU {neonatal intensive care unit} and tell everyone the story and answer questions. So, I'm putting it out there for those who want to know, and so that I don't have to answer questions and start to bawl my eyes out when I talk to you. You could never know the anguish that fills your heart when you don't get to meet your baby and hold them close, in some cases can only touch their tiny little finger for a brief moment before they are wisked away by strangers, whom you have no choice but to trust with your most precious possession. To not be the first one who they see when they open their eyes for the first time. To have to go home to an empty cradle. To sit in a rocking chair with empty arms. We are very grateful that our cradle and chair were soon filled with our tiny little man. We know others who haven't been able to see those things come to be and my heart aches for them. We are so grateful to the Lord for outcome of having 2 babies come home safely to be in our arms from the NICU.

He was born at 36 weeks 5 days. Technically a term baby. But his little lungs just weren't quite ready. I remember that he came out, and they put him on my stomach for about 5 seconds literally, and then took him away, he was grunting instead of crying. We knew something was wrong. I think I've seen Mike cry 3 times over the course of our marriage. When I looked at him and saw his face, I knew that he was scared, and so was I, But even before Brent was born, I felt like something wasn't going to be 100% okay. I didn't know to what extent, but I feel like the Lord had prepared me sufficiently, and I knew that everything would be okay in the end. I was given peace and comfort through the entire ordeal. While he was on the warming bed, Mike gave him a blessing, I'm not sure what the blessing said, but I'm glad that he gave him one then because another opportunity to do so didn't present itself. He wasn't able to lay his hands on his head, but given the circumstances, I know that the blessing was just as effective as if he were able to. They worked and worked on Brent, trying to get him to cry, and then after about a minute of that, they took him to the nursery and closed the blinds. When they didn't weigh him or measure him, I knew something was seriously wrong. 15-20 minutes later they came out and told us that he had to be intubated, and that he was given a dose of surfactant, to help his lungs, and that he would need to be transported to the NICU downtown. They brought him into our room for 2 minutes in the transport unit, and this was my first image I can remember of my sweet little guy. Tubes, Wires, and monitors.

He was taken by ambulance downtown to Wolfsons childrens hospital.

 

This wasn't unfamiliar territory. Blake was born at 33 weeks and spent 11 days in the NICU there. While I won't say that the NICU is ever an "easy" experience,  I think this time around was "easier." We knew what to expect and knew that Brent's stay most likely wouldn't be as long as Blake's and that he wouldn't require as much assistance. 

{I'm pretty sure this first picture is Brent... He and Blake look identical, But I'm positive the rest are Brent. LoL}

He spent 6 days there and progressed as well as could be expected. From being intubated, to just a nasal cannula, to just an IV, to feeding on his own, and eventually just battling some jaundice. We love the staff there. The neonatologist was the same cute little lady that had taken care of Blake, The Physicians extenders were friends from the gym, {thank you Kara and Maureen} and our nurses were wonderful sweet women who answered every question we had, and took phenomenal care of our little man. When we were away from him we knew he was so loved and so well taken care of.

The NICU is a very sacred place for me. I've offered some of the most sincere and earnest prayers of my life within those walls. I've felt the presence of the Lord, and seen many many miracles come to pass. 

Normally I wouldn't share something so sacred and personal, But I want everyone to know how thankful I am to our loving father in heaven, As I was laying in my bed in the hospital, unable to sleep, and unaware of the outcome of everything, I wrote down some of my feelings to my father in heaven, and I want to share with you the things that my heart feels, in hopes that you can see that through the darkest hours of our lives, the Lord will bless us and use those situations to strengthen our understanding and build our testimonies. 

Thank you for entrusting these 4 noble spirits to our care on this earth. We are so thankful to have them. So thankful to have the opportunity to experience the joy that they bring to our hearts. Please bless us in our efforts of rearing them in righteousness, that we would be in tuned to the spirit, that we might best know how to serve them. We are so thankful for the blessings of the temple that will enable us to be a family throughout the eternities. Please bless us that we would have a continued desire to live worthily to our covenants that we might have that blessing sealed upon our heads. We thank thee for the gift and power of the priesthood on this earth. How grateful I am for the many blessings that I have received that have brought peace, comfort, and assurance to my heart. And healing to my body. How very thankful I am to have witnessed miracles performed through the priesthood. The blind to see, the lame to walk, the deaf to hear, and to have witnessed so many miracles in 2 tiny little boys. Thank you for blessing  me with the opportunity through their miraculous births and first moments of their precious lives to experience the atonement of our savior Jesus Christ. To come to know him better. To feel the comfort of knowing he has felt the anguish of my soul, and knows how to comfort me. To know that he has felt the physical pain that we experience, to know that a loving father in heaven is listening to my prayers, and answering them through angels on this earth. To know that the Lord is so mindful of us. Individually. And is closer to us than we know. I thank thee for the sacred responsibility to be a mother in these the latter days. Thank you for allowing me opportunities to see what is important in this life... I wouldn't have chosen to learn the hard way if I didn't have to, but I now have an undeniable knowledge that devoting my life to raising these children unto thee and establishing a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God, is my only priority, and what thou has sent me to this earth to do.

They have worked hard to be here, and have a great work to do on this earth, and many people to minister to and share the light of Christ with. Please bless me with the ability, to teach them the things that thou would have them to know. Please bless Mike with comfort and peace. I am so thankful to have him. Thank you for giving me such a strong righteous man who lives true to the gospel, true to his covenants, and true to his priesthood responsibilities. Please bless him in his endeavors to provide the temporal necessities of this mortal life for our little family. We are so thankful for the blessings we receive for his diligent service in the temple, and in his callings. I am so thankful for a leader of unshakable faith, knowledge, and testimony of Jesus Christ to be the patriarch of our home. We are so blessed to be a family on this earth and so blessed to be members to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. We are grateful for the keys of the priesthood. And so grateful to have the opportunities to see miracles wrought to be. We are grateful for our trials and the personal relationship it allows us to have with our savior and his atonement. Thank you for allowing me through these experiences, to gain a stronger knowledge and understanding and greater testimony of something I already knew so strongly in my heart... I now know that there is always a way to better understand the atonement and have it fill our souls, if we seek to do so. And as we seek for that knowledge, we will be blessed to find it.