My maternity shoot. My thoughts.

 First let me start by saying, I have the worlds greatest photographer. Miss Daisy Mai. I could never say enough wonderful things about her and her work. Second, I've never really taken pictures while I have been pregnant. And don't intend to be pregnant again, so I figured why not go all out? Pregnancy is not my favorite time of life. And It's really hard for me to love my body, when I look in the mirror and don't recognize it. 60-80 pounds more than I normally weigh, a dark line down my belly, and well, stretch marks that stand out more than normal, and turn weird colors. I know that it's a beautiful time of life and a very exciting season, but it still doesn't make it easier to love yourself the way you are. Bless his heart Mike is so sweet. He tells me I am beautiful all the time and swears he is still attracted to me. I totally believe him too. I told him the other day he was such a weirdo for being attracted to pregnant ladies, he quickly replied, I'm not attracted to pregnant ladies, I'm attracted to you. He's sweet.

  Well, that being said, I still don't LOVE the way my pregnant body looks. I think I have always been  self conscious of the way I look. My entire life I have been told I am beautiful...But it usually ended there. I was never the sweet, nice girl, and I have never been looked at as the girl who had a brilliant mind, and usually when I say something stupid, The response is... you sure are pretty... Which, I'll be honest, I don't mind, but it my head, it just meant that I always have to look pretty because that's who I was. It defined me. {You may be thinking, oh yeah I feel real bad you for because you are considered a pretty girl, We all have insecurities. No matter what. And, Well, It's my blog, and my place to put how I feel, so if you don't like it, don't read it.} {If you had questions on why I was never considered the nice sweet girl, now you know. lol} It really doesn't matter how other people see you, it matters how you see yourself. And I can say, It's taken me a really long time to really believe that I am beautiful. And It's not for the reason that you would think. I didn't start knowing that I was beautiful until I really understood who I was, and what beautiful meant. A literal daughter of a heavenly king, who conducts herself in a matter pleasing to the Lord, who aligns her will with his. And knowing that my physical appearance isn't what makes me beautiful. I can say that I am confident in the woman that I am, beautiful inside and out. And being beautiful on the outside doesn't matter a lick if you are ugly on the inside. And if you are beautiful on the inside and confident in the person that you are, it reflects in your physical appearance. I don't mean in a prideful way, I mean in a way that shows you know who you are and have the respect for yourself that your father in heaven has for you. And that you take care of and respect one of the greatest gifts our father has given us. Our physical body.

 

 Yes, I love getting dressed up. I love high heels, I love makeup, I love fake tans, I love fake eyelashes, and pretty accessories. But they don't define me as beautiful.

 And yes, I think the pictures are beautiful, but not because of me, or my big ol' pregnant body. But because it's capturing the sacrifice that we make, to bring our father in heavens children into this world. Very briefly if you didn't know, I was very sick with Blake, and could have died, within a few extra minutes if I had not had the medical care that I did. It's a long story. Lexi's pregnancy was almost exactly the same. Home nurses, IV's in my living room, medicine pumps in my legs. It was extremely painful physically and mentally. I cried to the Lord many times to take the pain from me. To ease my burdens, and I am ashamed to say sometimes I prayed that if it were the Lords will, that I wouldn't be able to continue with the pregnancy. I am glad the Lord allows us to suffer. Those two sweet children are worth every second of my agony. And I can tell you that through those experiences I know that the atonement of our savior is real.

No, I don't think that my body is perfect, but I think it's beautiful. And I am working hard to embrace the stretch marks, dimples on my thighs, and less than toned arms. These sweet babies are worth it. They bring such joy into my heart and happiness into my life. The reward is much worth the sacrifice.