I recently read THIS article, and it made me think...
While I am not ruling anything out, I am only 24 after all. But this article made me stop and think... Am I really done having kids? Is number 4 really the last one? Mike says yes. Absolutely no more. It would take a Moses and the burning bush incident to convince him other wise. I kept saying one more... one more. 5 was always the number I wanted. But really, for now, I think 4 is a good number. The line that stuck out to me in that article was "I was one of seven, and I had a mother that constantly shut down or freaked out because she was so overwhelmed with us. She literally could not mother us adequately."
I don't want that to be me. I'll admit that there have been times that I have been so overwhelmed that I had to call my mom or Mike to come take care of the kids. While yes, some of it may have been postpartum depression, or just being pregnant and hormonal, I'm not sure that that was the entire reason. 3 kids ages 4 and under is a lot to manage. I mean, I have 3 very soon to be 4 kids who can't tie their own shoes, or wipe their own bums. Please don't misunderstand this, Most days are good days. But there have been times when they get frustrated at me because they have a need that has to be fulfilled and they have to wait in line because I am so outnumbered. I don't want them to grow up thinking that they weren't a priority because I just had so many others to take care of. I want them to be afforded all the opportunities they deserve. I don't want to have so many that I can't afford financially to give them dance lessons, or sports, summer camps, or music lessons. And at 4, we're looking at a pretty penny to give them each those opportunities. And I surely don't want to have so many that I can't give them the individual attention that they deserve. Right now, I know I can handle 4, And be the mom I want to be. Clean house, clean kids, fun activities, a happy mom, and satisfied kids. I'm not so confident about 5. I know that there are people who can mother several kids fabulously. However, I don't think that I am one who could be the kind of mother I want to be with more than 4. I would love to think that I could be super woman and give 6 or 7 of them everything that they deserve, But reality sets in and I don't know if I could do that. While I do think that I could manage to love, provide basic temporal needs, discipline, and teach the gospel in my home to several. But for, maybe some selfish reasons, I don't think I want more. I don't want to be pregnant again, and I know for a fact Mike doesn't want me to be pregnant again. For several reasons. One, I turn into a mental nightmare for a while during pregnancy and right after, and it's gotten worse with every kid. Second, It's physically very hard for me to be pregnant. I don't know if my body could take another one. And third, Well, I Just really hate being pregnant. I don't know, I'm still not ruling anything out, But I will say that at least for a while, I am at maximum capacity, I think... I do know one thing... I LOVE being a mom. I know that that is my calling in life. To how many... I don't know the answer to that, and I'm okay with not knowing the answer to that for a while... A very wise man once told Mike, "you know its really hard to know when you have enough kids, however, It's really easy to know when you have one too many..."
Once you've had the "one too many" it's too late! I never felt like I had enough, and if I could still have more, I would. Love, love, love being your mom!
ReplyDeleteTheo and I went through this. He wanted to get 'fixed' after our 3rd, and I asked him to fast about it. He got the answer not yet. Then we had Hannah and I thought we were done. Then those little promptings started coming when Hannah was turning 1. I didn't know what to think so we went to the Temple in Orlando. That's when I received my revelation that there was another one. I asked Theo what he thought and he said, "The spirit told me to listen to my wife." LOL! So along came Charlotte, and now we are done. There is a peace now where there wasn't before. Before I was so concerned as to whether this was it or is there more, it tormented me. Now it's a wonderful peace that I'm done. My pregnancies get harder and harder with each one, and so I think Heavenly Father finally said okay, if you think you're done then you are done. It feels really good, I hope this helps. Also I think with that quote you had, and I read the article as well, it really matters your attitude about motherhood. This other mother let it show how frustrated she was. Yes, your kids are going to have to wait their turn, but if you handle those situations with patience then it teaches them patience. They won't see a frazzled mother, they will see a pillar of strength that they can really look up to. Unfortunately with my 5 they see the frazzled mother more than I would like! LOL! Realizing this is going to make me really check myself in how I deal with my brood! =)
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