There's very few days that I get like this. However, Today, I lost the battle.
The morning started out not too terrible, things ran smoothly and we were on time to drop Blake off and get to the gym.
After that it all went a bit down hill.
Tried to go to attack... My knee wasnt feeling great so I took it easy. 15 minutes into class I felt like I was going to pass out, I was super dizzy and super disoriented and shaky had to leave and go get some food and after that I felt much better. {That's a whole different post}
Went to get Blake, came home and that's when it hit me. I was massively overwhelmed. I came home to an extremely messy house, That included crap everywhere from my suitcase and the kids weekend bag, Plus the regular mess of the morning and rushing everyone out of the house, plus 4 very needy hungry tired kids, plus 6 loads of laundry, plus it's bill day, Blake did NO school work the last two days in class, so I had to sit and get him through two class work packets to get him caught up, plus a few other random errands that needed to be taken care of. {Dragging 4 kids to the post office, grocery store and jeans store is not fun, or easy}
As the kids were asking me for lunch, and the baby was screaming, I sat on the floor and just cried. I couldn't comprehend how one person was supposed to be able to take care of all of that.
Well, I don't have time for that. I put my big girl panties on, collected myself, made lunch, fed the baby, put the younger two down for a nap and tried to start cleaning.
Eventually I pulled myself together, However, The entire day was still rough. I didn't even come close to getting to any laundry, and I'm still feeling like there's no way one person can stay on top of all of that. And I still feel like I will never be satisfied with what is physically possible for one person to do. Especially when I am so outnumbered. I do laundry for 5 other people, I clean up after 5 other people, I cook for 5 other people. Long story short, 1 < 5. I'm just keeping it real. This is how I feel today. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and it will be better. Most days it doesn't get to me, Today it did.
A friend said she just wanted to lay on the couch. It had been one of those days. I said, Yeah, Me too. Actually, No, I'm not a lay on the couch kind of girl... I want to go get some eyelash extensions, a spray tan, and go buy a new pair of shoes. I still may... I know, You're thinking "You just got back from a girls weekend" Yeah, Coming home to the aftermath is what started all of this.
There is so much I want to say to you right now! I can so empathize with this day. I've cried a LOT having all my kids so young and close in age just like you. There are days where I seriously don't know if I can get out of that state of anxiety that is caused by mass chaos. But my mantra is "prioritize". I know you have written posts on this before, and it really is my saving grace. When the kids are screaming at me, but other things have to get done, it's easy to prioritize because those kids won't let you do anything else until they are taken care of. If I can get one load of laundry washed and dried, (I didn't say folded!) then that is an achievement. I don't even go to the post office, I avoid that place like the plague! Theo does that. Some people have the saying one day at a time, but I say one task at a time. It really breaks things down into smaller battles, and you don't feel like you are fighting the whole war every day. I know it can be hard, but like you said to Sarah the other night over dinner when she was saying how it feels great that she has gotten so fit that at the end of a class she isn't dying. And then you said, "If you aren't dying then you aren't doing it right.". This is true with parenting kids. These young kid days are just the classes to make you stronger, and if you aren't dying (at least once in a while) then you aren't doing it right. And since today you were, then you must be doing it right. ;)
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