P90 Impossible.

Things around here have been slowly getting back to normal. Well, almost. I have zero time to do anything, Including blog, and Mike and I are both sleep deprived, despite going to bed at 8 or 8:30 every night. It's a good thing he's super cute, Because Brent is not the greatest sleeper. But other than that we're back to normal.
I'm working tirelessly to get this nasty baby weight off, and I have about 15 pounds to go. Yes, That's what happens when you eat entire plates of sugar cookies on your own and gain 60 pounds. So back to 40-30-30 I go. You can order the book here.  I have done this "diet" every time I've had a baby. It is the only thing that has always worked for me. It's tons of food, I'm never hungry and I drop weight fast. {Usually about 3-4 pounds a week} Yes, Really. And as long as you don't cheat, It works. And it works fast. Mike convinced me to buy P90X. {Well, really they might as well call it P90 impossible. Pull ups for a minute? Child please!} But the conditions were that he had to eat clean for the duration of the program. Now keep in mind that Mike normally eats fast food for at least 2 meals of the day. I know gross right? But he has given me his word that he will give up fast food until January first. Trying to find fruits and veggies that he will eat is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I think in the almost 6 years we've been married, I've seen him eat a fresh fruit or veggie once or twice. Because I made him. Funny right? We are complete opposites when it comes to food. That's what I live on. Any who, It's been kinda hard for Mike and I to find time together so we decided that we'd do P90 impossible together in the mornings before the kiddos wake up. We learned 2 things, We love each others company... And we are both really out of shape. {At least one of us has a legitimate excuse for that} So, we'll see how long this lasts... I'm committed and I am determined to look like this...

Okay Okay, I know it's not realistic, I've had several kids and I don't think my abs will ever be that awesome...But if you shoot for the moon you're bound to at least hit the stars right? So, Don't offer me candy corn, cupcakes, pizza, sugar cookies or white bread... Because I'm not sure I have the will power to say no. Here's to awesome mommy abs. And Ashley "Hulk" Larkin triceps. {You like how I spelled that right just for you Hulk.}

"The only one who can tell you you can't is you... You don't have to listen."

-Nike

Why isn't that good enough?

I think this is literally the first time I have sat down in the last 4 days. And the funny thing is, I can't even say what I've been doing. Really, just taking care of kiddos and being sick. I did go to a women's broadcast on Saturday night and was reminded of a few things. One that really stuck out to me though. Be patient with yourself.

I am really bad at that. I think that I am patient with my children, and try to be patient with others in their shortcomings and give them the benefit of the doubt. But when it comes to myself, I don't think that there is room for error. I understand that I am not perfect. Nowhere close. But I do try to do and be my very best. To live up to the potential in me. However, I can never forgive myself for not doing this or finishing that, or being everything that everyone wants me to be, or thinks that I am. {Was that the biggest run on sentence you've ever read?} I feel like there is always something more I could be doing, or that I should be doing. When in reality, I am doing my best, and doing a pretty good job. My kids are fed, played with, loved, disciplined, taught, and clean, with teeth and hair brushed and bows in.  My house is clean. {Laundry is almost always done... } I take care of myself, Physically and spiritually, and make time to do the things I enjoy. And let's not forget, I manage to find time to date prince charming, and watch football games while cuddling on the couch. Why isn't that good enough? Why are we so hard on ourselves? It reminds me of a story I've heard. There was a woman who was trying to figure out why she was depressed. She was beautiful. She was happily married to a fantastic guy, and had beautiful children, and ran on a track team. She had what most would see as a perfect life. But in speaking to her therapist, They got to the bottom of it. In college, She was so beautiful, that everyone said she would be Miss America, She was such a phenomenal runner, That everyone said she would win the Olympics one day. Everyone said that she would marry a movie star. As time passed on and she didn't do those things, She felt like a failure. You see, She had unrealistic expectations set. By herself, and by others. Most would look and see someone who had accomplished a great deal, But because of what she thought she would accomplish, She looked at it as failing to achieve those goals.

I think sometimes, We set ourselves up for failure by comparing our weaknesses to someone elses strengths. Nobody is good at everything, But everyone is good at something. We can't all be Miss America, Or win the Olympics. Why can't we focus on the things we have and are doing right?

Trust me, Those people you look at and think they have it all together...They don't. 

Nana's homemade whole wheat focaccia.

I feel like death. Seriously moms should not get sick. Especially with mastitis. I can't lift kids, I can't hold kids, I can't hug kids, Life is not fun right now. My sweet Buby is headed to go get my prescription now.  So, seeing that I am in no condition to tend to the needs of 4 cute babies, I headed to my mommy's. While I was over there, I tasted this little piece of heaven...

Homemade whole wheat focaccia...Oh heaven sakes is it pure delight. I wish I had a piece right now... But dangit, Why is my mom such a fantastic cook? {I know everyone says that about their mom, But It's not just my opinion, ask anyone, it's a fact.} I couldn't put the dumb bread down. No, literally I ate it until there was no more... Yes, It's "clean" But lets get something straight... Just because something is "CLEAN" does not mean it will help you lose weight. In this months issue of Clean Eating a reader wrote in and said that she had gained 8 pounds since she started cooking from the clean eating magazine... Hello?!? If you only cook the "clean" desserts they publish, You're still going to get fat. It's still calorie laden, It's just not processed. Okay anyways, Here's the recipe... and a word to the wise, Don't make this if you don't have someone to share it with, because you will eat it all.

Homemade whole wheat focaccia- By Debi Mortensen {Aka my mama}
1 1/2 C. warm water
2 1/2 tea. yeast
1 tea. honey
2 Tablespoons olive oil
1 tea salt
4 cups whole wheat flour


Herb mix
2 Tablespoons olive oil
1/2 tea garlic pwd
1 tea dried oregano
1 tea dried thyme
1/2 tea. dried basil
1/4 tea fresh ground black pepper

In mixer, Combine water, Yeast, Honey, 2 T. oil and 2 cups flour. Let it rise halfway up the bowl. Add 1 tea. salt and remaining flour and knead for 5 min.
Press onto oiled cookie sheet. Cover and let it rise until doubled. Spread herbed mix over top, Sprinkle with coarse sea salt and with fingers press holes into top.
Bake at 425 for 15 min. or until golden brown.

Big doors swing on little hinges.

So there I was at Publix at 9 O'clock at night... Mistake number one...Mistake number 2, going to Publix while Chocolate covered pretzels are BOGO. You know... These things...

Doesn't that look like a mountain of heavens deliciousness... I LOVE White chocolate covered pretzels. Like, More than should humanly be possible to love something. I think I could eat them all day everyday and never be sick of them. Okay, So you get the point. Well, I decided to throw them in the cart. {Why do they put that crap next to the register?} I felt guilty immediately, And I hadn't even had the pleasure of eating one yet! I knew they weren't on the "Lose the baby weight and be muscle-y again" food program. But I didn't care... Once again, My flesh was weak. I KNEW I didn't want to eat those things and KNEW I would feel terrible after eating them. Mentally and physically.
 
And then a glance to my favorite magazine caught my eye...

It just so happened that my fitness inspiration {Amber Elizabeth} graced the cover this month... I took one glance and threw those dumb delicious pretzels back on the shelf. I know it sounds so stupid, But I thought to myself, She'd never touch these things. It takes some serious self discipline to chisel those abs and shoulders. Something I don't have a lot of. So I came home and ate my turkey breast...

I think that this dumb pretzel story applies to everything in life. Sacrificing what we want in the moment, for what we really want. I can tell you now, That I am happy looking back that I didn't eat the pretzels, You know how many extra hours in the gym that would have been? These cellulite-y hamstrings aren't going to tone themselves... And that's what I really want. It's the same thing for the financial aspect of our lives, The spiritual aspect, and obviously the physical aspect. If you look at where you are now, and look at where you want to be, It's overwhelming... But if you take it one decision at a time, You'll be surprised at what you can accomplish. Big doors swing on little hinges my friends...

You remember that movie scene where the kid is running as fast as he can after the school bus, and can't catch it? And the bus driver can't see him and just keeps going? I feel like I'm that kid lately. There really isn't a minute that someone doesn't needs me. I'm running and running only to get a little closer to the goal, just to have it a tad bit out of reach. I went to Target last night... All by myself. It was awesome. I'm not going to lie, I probably circled the store twice. Just to waste time. {And as a side note, still managed to get out of there for $35} It was so nice to be alone for even just an hour. I came back in the door to chaos. A screaming baby, other kids needing dinner, one wanting to be held... I looked at Mike and laughed and said... Can I leave again?!?
Things settled down, Kids were fed, Scriptures and prayers were had, and bedtime came. Finally. I sat down to work on my lesson for Sunday school tomorrow, and came across this scripture.

 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

 8 We are ^atroubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in ^bdespair;

 9 ^aPersecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not ^bdestroyed;

I totally feel like this is me right now. A friend of mine posted a status update yesterday that said,

"Is it possible to feel overwhelmed and at peace at the same time?...I think that's the best way to describe how I'm feeling right now"

I say yes. Because that's me too.

What A beautiful mess. This is exactly where I thought I would be 10 years ago. All I wanted to do is be a mommy to lots of cute little babies. I wouldn't change A second of the chaos for the world.

When I think about everything and everybody that I am responsible for, I panic. However, When I am in the midst of the tasks of the day, I manage them. I get them done without hesitation. I know I can do it. I don't know how I manage, By all accounts, its doesn't even make sense to me. I could sit on the couch and feel overwhelmed and sorry for myself, But I've made a choice to do my best. Even if sometimes it's not good enough. That's okay. Nobody can do it all, and nobody can do it all perfectly...But who says I can't try to?

I'm doing my best, and that makes me a supermom.

you win some... you lose some.

Today was a pretty normal day. We dropped Blake off at school, Went to the gym, Picked Blake up, and came home. I've really been trying to include the kids in the things that I have to do around the house. So we made lunch together and of course Blake negotiated an extra cookie... On to clean up the kitchen. Kynzi "helped" me unload the dishwasher, dumping the silverware on the floor, and then helped me put those back in the dishwasher to be cleaned...again. LaLa then helped me fold laundry and put a load in the washer. {She loves folding her daddy's socks...But not mommy's.} And in the process, She found half of her Christmas and birthday presents. Whoops a daisy. Then Blake helped me scrub the toilets...BAD IDEA. Just bad. I don't recommend having your 4 year old boy help with the toilet. After the chores were done, I decided because LaLa and I had so much fun making skirts the other day, That she could help me make some pants, because her favorite 2 pairs of shorts have been worn to the point of holes. Well everything was going great until I realized, that because of all the "help" and distractions I had, I stitched the wrong pieces together and didn't realize until I had already inserted the elastic into the waistband...The last step. UGH!!! Oh well, You win some you lose some. The silverware can be washed again, the water can be mopped up, and the pants were remade... Time consuming, Yes. But what else do I have to do? Nothing. My life is dedicated to those sweet babies. Nothing is more important than spending time with them, teaching them, laughing with them, listening to them, and loving them. Oh and yes, I did all of this with Brent strapped to me in the papoose.

Carrot cake protein bars.

Okay, Obviously I am not saying that these are as good as a big ol' fat piece of carrot cake. However, I am saying that they taste good and only have about 110 calories per bar. I started out with Jamie Easons carrot protein bar recipe. It was okay, But could have been better, I'm a texture freak and needed some different textures. After a bit of trial and error, Here's my version. I make a 9x13 so that I can freeze them in ziplock bags and take them as on the go snacks.

Carrot Cake Protein Bars

Ingredients:

• 4 cups oat flour  { I grind my own oats so if you use store bought oat flour its 3}
• 4 scoops vanilla whey protein
• 4 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp allspice
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 8 egg whites
• 1 1/2 cup Truvia
• 16 oz baby food carrots
• 4 oz water 
• 4 peeled and grated carrots 
• 1/2 cup walnuts
• 1/2 cup raisins

Directions:

1.     Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2.     Mix flour, whey protein, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, baking soda and salt together in a bowl.

3.     Mix egg whites, Truvia, in a bowl.

4.     Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix together. Fold in walnuts and raisins.

5.     Spray 9x13 glass dish with non-stick spray.

6.     Pour ingredients into dish.

7.     Bake 30+ minutes until toothpick comes out clean from center. Its closer to 40 in my oven.

Cut into 24 bars.